I feel like life is a big party & I am in the spare bedroom reading a book.

Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.

The Feeling of Being in Motion Again

There's Gotta Be Some Way

this world is being ripped to shreds & we are all content to sit back & watch. I'm not going to allow myself to lose hope in people, in myself.

I know what I want to do. I just don't know where I want to do it. I feel like going back to New York would be detrimental to my sanity, though moving across the country, not knowing a soul, may also be detrimental. But I mean, I do a lot of things that are harmful to my existence, so why should moving somewhere be any different than those numerous other examples?

anyway, I am excited to start playing music.

I walked out of the lobby and out of the building and I stood on the sidewalk. I could still hear him. "Joe! Joe! Where are you, Joe!"
Joe wasn't coming. it didn't pay to trust another human being.
Humans didn't have it, whatever it took.

I need to get out of here.

It drove me crazy, the way she smiled at strangers and I could never be a stranger.

I'm Glad I Spent it with You...

Where Is My Mind?

this is the cutest thing ever.

anyway,
why is the only school I want to go to in California?
Will someone move with me & never leave my side?
that would make this decision easier.

Saint Valentine's Day & Ugly Reminders

if you were here I'd be home now.

“I’ve fallen in love. I’m an ordinary woman. I didn’t think such violent things could happen to ordinary people.”

I need to stop reading quotes from old films.

“I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me.”

oh Megan !

why are you always getting yourself into trouble?

"Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls."

I feel as if "people" are not really people anymore. Everyone markets themselves like a brand. We advertise ourselves on the internet like it matters. Like the newest photo of myself matters. There it is. That is what I wake up looking like, that is what I walk around looking like, that is what I go to sleep looking like. I get tired looking at myself, yet I still took this photo with my computer to show everyone what I look like to-day. Like this day my face looks different. But it doesn't. It is the same as yesterday & will be the same as tomorrow.

I want to make my mind beautiful again. I want to forget wanting to be told I'm pretty. Pretty isn't worth much. At some point I just gave up on things I liked to fill my time with. I stopped reading, exploring music, collaging, taking photos. I haven't put a single record on my turntable in over a year. When did I lose myself to all this hype?

Sleep on the Floor, Dream About Me

I am feeling this horrible sense of anxiety. I feel as if I'm jumping out of my skin as I sit in this room. I think I want so badly to start DOING something & stop talking about it. But all of these somethings require money. Money to move, money to go to school, money to live somewhere, money to feed myself, money money money. It's so sad that this is the only obstacle stopping me from jumping in my car & driving across the country. I wish I weren't such a worrier. I always have been, though. I'm going to make these changes happen sooner than I was planning on. I've delayed myself enough with worries & insecurities & anxieties. I'm ready to take on a little risk.

Walk in the Park

You go for a walk in the park 'cause you don't need anything
Your hand that you sometimes hold doesn't do anything
The face that you see in the door isn't standing there anymore

In a matter of time, it would slip from my mind
In and out of my life, you would slip from my mind
In a matter of time

The face that you saw in the door isn't looking at you anymore
The name that you call in its place isn't waiting for your embrace
The world that you love to behold cannot hold you anymore

In a matter of time it, would slip from my mind
In and out of my life, you would slip from my mind
In a matter of time

More, you want more
More, you want more
More, you want more, you tell me
More, only time can run me
More, you want more, you tell me
More, only time can run me
More, you want more you tell me
More, only time can run me
More, you want more, you tell me
More, only time can run me
More, you want more, you tell me
More, only time can run me
More, you want more, you tell me

park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me.