Rest In Peace

"We're freaks, that's all. Those two bastards got us nice and early and made us into freaks with freakish standards, that's all. We're the tattooed lady, and we're never going to have a minute's peace, the rest of our lives, until everybody else is tattooed, too."
- J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey

Taking steps towards making myself happy, though I'm feeling a bit like Richie Tenenbaum lately. I've realized we were both two people who shouldn't be in relationships in a relationship together. Who cares if I am a little dramatic about things? I live every emotion to its capacity!

Anyway, still hopeful for the future, for FIDM, for getting into shape & starting yoga again, for my friends to come home, for summer sunshine. Everything is looking up.

apparently I do not have the right to do what I am doing to my mother. I am not quite sure what I am doing but I'm getting by the best I can. No, I do not want to talk about anything that has happened. No, I do not want to talk at all. No, I am not hungry. No, I will not force food down my throat just to appease you.

I find no need to talk about how wonderful I was feeling about myself & my ambitious endeavors just a few days ago, only to have my entire perception of someone I thought I loved & who loved me be flipped upside down. I am sorry I cannot pretend I am perfectly fine knowing that this has not affected him in the least bit. That I have not affected him in the least bit. I refuse to bottle up my emotions. Yes, I am doing better. But if I want to be alone, I want to be alone.

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

I hope my hair grows back overnight.

Laughing it Off

cutting the ties

I cut my hair off. I no longer have long, beautiful dark brown locks. I look average & boring. oh well. Getting you hair cut after a break up is probably a bad idea. But I don't want anyone to have a crush on me anyway.

Wallflower, wallflower
Won't you dance with me?
I'm sad and lonely too.
Wallflower, wallflower
Won't you dance with me?
I'm fallin' in love with you.
Just like you I'm wondrin' what I'm doin' here.
Just like you I'm wondrin' what's goin' on.
Wallflower, wallflower
Won't you dance with me?
The night will soon be gone.
I have seen you standing in the smoky haze
And I know that you're gonna be mine one of these days, Mine alone. Wallflower, wallflower
Take a chance on me. Please let me ride you home.