at this point I cannot see myself going anywhere near California without getting sick to my stomach by the thought of being anywhere near that boy. I could not deal with seeing him in any capacity & I think it may be unhealthy for me to move out there right now. At least I learned/reinforced a lot of things from this horrid relationship. Things like in a relationship trust is earned, not automatically given. I settled on this relationship, because I thought he was a good person & would treat me right & we had fun together. I don't really feel as if I lost a boyfriend, more of a best friend. Which is why I think I'm so hurt by all his lies, because best friends don't lie to each other. He used me for companionship when he had no one else. The fact that he keeps saying he "tried" to love me, like I am some monster who is unworthy of love, is the most painful thing to hear. Just the other night he was talking to me about honesty and how important it is. I think that is pretty ironic. I would have appreciated honesty as opposed to the bullshit he fed me for months. I don't deserve to be treated like that. No one deserves to be treated like that. I keep crying whenever I think about it & I can't stop. I know this whole situation doesn't deserve any more of my time or tears but I can't stop thinking about it. He is the best liar I've ever met. I just need to move on from this mess. It's just hard with no closure.
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